What is Sexual Assault?

Sexual assault takes many forms including attacks such as rape or attempted rape, as well as any unwanted sexual contact or threats. Usually a sexual assault occurs when someone touches any part of another person’s body in a sexual way, even through clothes, without that person’s consent. Some types of sexual acts which fall under the category of sexual assault include forced sexual intercourse (rape), sodomy (oral or anal sexual acts), child molestation, incest, fondling and attempted rape. Sexual assault in any form is a devastating crime. Assailants can be strangers, acquaintances, friends, or family members. Assailants commit sexual assault by way of violence, threats, coercion, manipulation, pressure or tricks. Whatever the circumstances, no one asks or deserves to be sexually assaulted.

What is Acquaintance Rape?

Acquaintance rape is a sexual assault by an individual known to the victim. Another term “date rape” is a sexual assault by an individual with whom the victim has a “dating” relationship and the sexual assault occurs in the context of this relationship. Many of these rapes are violent, and all are coercive in nature.

What is Stalking?

Stalking is a pattern of repeated, unwanted attention, harassment, and contact. It is a course of conduct that can include:

• Following or laying in wait for the victim
• Repeated unwanted, intrusive, and frightening communications from the perpetrator by phone, mail, and/or e-mail
• Damaging the victim’s property
• Making direct or indirect threats to harm the victim, the victim’s children, relatives, friends, or pets
• Repeatedly sending the victim unwanted gifts
• Harassment through the Internet, known as cyberstalking, online stalking, or Internet stalking
• Securing personal information about the victim by: accessing public records (land records, phone listings, driver or voter registration), using Internet search services, hiring private investigators, contacting friends, family, work, or neighbors, going through the victim’s garbage, following the victim, etc.

As with any violent crime, there’s nothing you can do to guarantee that you will not be a victim of sexual violence. But there are many steps you can take to help reduce your risk of being assaulted.

How to reduce your risk

Avoid Dangerous Situations

• Be aware of your surroundings. Knowing where you are and who is around you may help you to find a way to get out of a bad situation.
• Try to avoid isolated areas. It is more difficult to get help if no one is around.
• Walk with purpose. Even if you don’t know where you are going, act like you do.
• Trust your instincts. If a situation or location feels unsafe or uncomfortable, it probably isn’t the best place to be.
• Try not to load yourself down with packages or bags as this can make you appear more vulnerable.
• Make sure your cell phone is with you and charged and that you have cab money.
• Don’t allow yourself to be isolated with someone you don’t trust or someone you don’t know.
• Avoid putting music headphones in both ears so that you can be more aware of your surroundings, especially if you are walking alone.

If Someone is Pressuring You

If someone is pressuring you to engage in sexual activity, it is important to remember that being in this situation is not your fault. You didn’t do anything wrong, it is the person who is making you uncomfortable who is to blame. If you need to get out of an uncomfortable or scary situation here are some things that you can try:

• Trust your instincts. Don’t feel obligated to do anything you don’t want to. “I don’t want to” is always a good enough reason.
• Be true to yourself. Do what feels right to you and what you are comfortable with.
• Have a code word with your friends or family so that if you don’t feel comfortable you can call them and communicate your discomfort without the person you are with knowing. Your friends or family can then come to get you or make up an excuse for you to leave.
• Lie. If you don’t want to hurt the person’s feelings it is better to lie and make up a reason to leave than to stay and be uncomfortable, scared, or worse. Some excuses you could use are: needing to take care of a friend or family member, not feeling well, having somewhere else that you need to be, etc.
• Try to think of an escape route. How would you try to get out of the room? Where are the doors? Windows? Are there people around who might be able to help you? Is there an emergency phone nearby?
• If you and/or the other person have been drinking, you can say that you would rather wait until you both have your full judgment.

In a Social Situation

• When you go to a party, go with a group of friends. Arrive together, check in with each other and leave together.
• Practice safe drinking. Try not to leave any beverages unattended or accept drinks from someone you don’t know or trust.
• Have a buddy system. Don’t be afraid to let a friend know if something is making you uncomfortable or if you are worried about your or your friend’s safety.
• If someone you don’t know or trust asks you to go somewhere alone, let him or her know that you would rather stay with the group.
• Be aware of your surroundings. Knowing where you are and who is around you may help you to find a way out of a bad situation.

Safety Planning in a Rural Community

If you or someone you know has been sexually assaulted or is in an abusive relationship, there are things to consider when thinking about safety. It may be helpful to create a safety plan or to think about some ways to stay and feel safer. Depending on where you live, there may be unique circumstances to think about.
In rural communities, there are fewer services that provide support for victims of sexual assault and dating and domestic violence. It can also be a challenge to maintain privacy due to the small community size.

Things to think about:

How to get away if there is an emergency

• Be conscious of exits or other escape routes
• Think about options for transportation (car, bus, train, etc.)

Who can help

• Friends, family
• Support centers such as Safe Haven of Pike County 570-296-HELP
• National Sexual Assault Hotline at 1-800-656-HOPE(4673), the National Sexual Assault Online Hotline or, if you are in a dating or domestic violence situation, the National Domestic Violence Hotline 1.800.799.SAFE(7233)

Where to go

• Friend’s house
• Relative’s house
• A domestic violence or homeless shelter
• The police (even if the police know both you and the perpetrator—they are still responsible for doing their job).
• Important: If the dangerous situation involves a partner, go to the police or a shelter first.

Traveling Safety:
If you need to get away and there is no public transportation in your area, try to find someone who will allow you to use his or her car if you do not have one at your disposal.

Driving

• Keep your doors locked
• Have extra car necessities (oil, jumper cables, etc.)
• Try not to wait until the last minute to fill your gas tank; always keep it half-way full if you can
• Have your keys ready when you go to unlock your car
• Plan your route and know what “safe” places are on it (police stations, hospitals, etc.)

Home Safety:

• Change the locks on doors and windows
• Keep your doors locked, even when you are at home
• Install a security system
• Install outside lighting system (with motion detectors)
• Do not prop doors
• Close blinds/curtains at night
• Keep car doors locked, even in your own driveway

Tips to Remember:

• KEEP CASH WITH YOU at all times
• KEEP CASH ACCESSIBLE just in case you need to use a pay phone
• MEMORIZE ALL IMPORTANT NUMBERS/have important numbers easily accessible on your cell phone (if you have one)
• ESTABLISH A CODE WORD so that family, friends, etc. know when to call for help
• Have a BACKUP PLAN in case the first fails
• Carry a SMALL NOISEMAKER (like a whistle) and/or flashlight on your keychain
• BE AWARE of your routine and try to alter it sometimes, if possible
• Have an extra copy of KEYS
• Try to KEEP IN CONTACT with people/organizations who are helping you
• TRUST YOUR GUT. If you don‘t feel comfortable in a situation, LEAVE.
• BE IN CHARGE OF YOUR OWN LIFE. Don’t put yourself into a situation where you have to rely on other people to take care of you. Also, when on a date, don’t feel you “owe” that person anything.
• BE CAUTIOUS INVITING SOMEONE INTO YOUR HOME OR GOING TO SOMEONE ELSE’S HOME. Three out of five sexual assaults occur in the victim’s home or the home of an acquaintance.
• DO NOT MIX SEXUAL DECISIONS WITH DRUGS OR ALCOHOL. Your ability to make smart decisions is hampered when you are high or drunk.
• WHEN GOING OUT WITH SOMEONE NEW, DON’T FEEL YOU HAVE TO GO ALONE. Go on a group date or meet in a public place.
• BE AWARE OF DATE RAPE DRUGS. Don’t accept beverages from open containers and don’t leave your drink unattended.
• WALK NEAR THE CURB. Avoid passing close to shrubbery, dark doorways, or other places of concealment.
• AVOID FALLING FOR LINES SUCH AS “If you Loved me…” If your partner loved you, she/he would respect your feelings and wait until you are ready.
• USE ONLY WELL LIT ENTRENCES. If you notice an entrance without appropriate lighting, notify your landlord or a maintenance person.

Avoid Individuals Who:

• Don’t listen to you
• Ignore personal space boundaries
• Make you feel guilty or accuse you of being “uptight” for resisting sexual advances
• Express sexist attitudes and jokes
• Acts jealous or possessive

When NO doesn’t work:

• Sometimes, saying “NO” will not stop a rape. Thinking about what you would do before an assault ever happens can be your best self-defense strategy.
• ACT IMMEDIATELY. Trust your intuition and get away, if possible. Don’t give in to a person’s sexual demands in the hope that you can divert him/her later on.
• STAY CALM. Try to think clearly about all your options. Your brain is your best weapon.
• PASSIVE RESISTANCE. You may be able to discourage the attacker by talking. Persuade him/her not to commit the assault by making him/her see you as a friend.
• ACTIVE RESISTANCE. If you are not afraid to hurt someone, hit and kick HARD – this gives you the opportunity to escape. However, fighting back may anger the attacker and cause him/her to attack more brutally.
• SUBMITTING. Do what ever you have to do to keep yourself safe. If you feel your life is in danger, your best option may be to submit. Submitting does not mean you consented.

back to top

Finding Ways to Heal:

• Talk to friends and others who you find are supportive
• Find a therapist who can help you work on sexual abuse healing
• Seek out a local therapy group for survivors of sexual abuse
• Join a self-help group that deals with abuse issues
• Consider writing, painting, drawing, singing, playing an instrument and other expressive techniques which can help you explore you feelings and experiences

Did You Know:

• Anyone can be sexually assaulted – Male or Female, rich or poor, young or old
• You are more likely to be assaulted by a friend, classmate, date, relative, neighbor or co-worker than by a stranger in a dark alley.

The Best Way to Help Someone Is:

• Stay Calm
• Believe the person
• Help the person decide weather to report
• Suggest going to a hospital
• Help the person find counseling
• DO NOT GOSSIP

Remember, It’s not your fault:

• Sexual assault is never your fault. Offenders use sex as a weapon to control others – it is a serious crime.
• Dressing sexy or drinking too much is NOT a crime.
• Walking alone or asking someone into your bedroom is NOT a crime.
• Being afraid to say no is NOT a crime.
• Sexual assault IS always a crime. What happened is not your fault.